Thursday, May 01, 2008

Finding a partner...

In Islam: Finding a partner

We know that marriage has a special place in Islam and we are encouraged by our Prophet (saws) to marry at the right age and not delay it for the want of money for pursuing further education.

But before we marry we have to find a partner, a suitable one who meets our needs for compatibility, religion and status. While some of us are fortunate to have survived the process and got married, some of us are still struggling to find the right person and we all know that this process costs us time and confidence. Yes the constant stream of no’s and rejection calls are taking a toll on our self confidence and we are left wondering what we are doing wrong. Also there is none to give us advice on this critical aspect of the marriage process.

Its not that our religion gives us all the time in the world to discover the other person before deciding on marriage. Girls are to meet potential partners only in the presence of a mehram male. So it is critical that we evaluate carefully and critically in the first instance. When evaluating a potential life partner one has to remember a few things when we prepare ourselves for marriage. For this will not only affect our final choice but also our marital relationship. There are certain principles we should follow while we choose a partner.

1.     Always evaluate his/her family background. If he/she comes from a good family chances are that she will carry forward the same values. Then evaluate the person.
2.     Make a list of what is important to you and compare with his/her list and see if there is a match. Don’t just give out all your priorities but question the other person to ensure that the other person is not bluffing.
3.     Check on religious aspects in detail so as not to get a surprise after marriage
4.     Relationships aren't about winning and losing - they're about growing
and learning. So if you get rejected don’t think that you are not good enough. Use each interaction as a way of figuring out where you are going wrong and learning how to say the right things.
5.     Don’t go for looks. Looks don’t last a lifetime but compatibility does. Don’t reject anybody because they are ordinary looking.
6.     Don’t give up. How many ever rejections or bad experiences. Never lose hope. Remember Rasulallah (saws) said, one who is not in nikah is not from me. For the sake of Allah’s pleasure and the pleasure of our Prophet (saws) we have to do jehad to find the right mate. Sometimes the process is short and for some it is long but we cannot give up this jehad.

May Allah make this process easy and peaceful for all who strive in His path. Ameen.

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